The Crazy Adventures of a Chick in Love...

So not like me....

I speak with B Thursday morning when I got off work to find out that he is depressed...again... his unemployment got cut & he still hasn't come across a job....immediately I feel for him and I want to just "be there"....
so what do I do.....
BABY!!! IM COMING!!.....
............................
I'm sooo stupid! ugh!

Soooo, 5 hours later.....me and my poor old Sentra arrive in Tallahassee to just "be there" for him.... I didn't even do this kind of stuff when we were together...I HATE driving...
Since I clearly lost my mind by driving up there knowing I had to work on Saturday, I went ahead a chose a new nice hotel to lay down in (SOO WORTH IT!) and called him up.....
he talked; since that's a rarity, i listened.
we watched tv, ate, talked a little more and you know the rest....
I just feel like I have backtracked & I hate it...
I just wanna be happy.

Back in Jensen now....I gotta make some changes for myself.
My cribs a mess, I've gained more weight (probably from all the martini's and margarita's), & I'm just feeling like..."ugh" most days.

On a brighter note, I been hanging out alot more (for sanity purposes lol)! Fun! Fun!

Margarita's & Mexican

mmmm!!
this is such a old photo (note: the old school flip phone on my hip! haha) good times though...19th or 20th bday, i think


joys of life! lol

Haven't blogged in a while...

Its been a week and I haven't blogged anything! At the rate I'm going, I'm going to be done with this website in NO time! lol

I don't want to be a depressing blogger but since I started the blog in the midst of the toughest breakup I've ever been through....I gotta express how I've been feeling...
So here's what happened a couple of days ago (the short version): His ex sends a inappropriate message, I send one, then he sends one to both of us saying hes sorry for everything and hes done talking to both of us. (out of line right??)...but then he calls, text, & attempts to get in touch with me approx 4hrs after that, talking about he can't "not" talk to me & that his ex is doing everything she can to break us apart...(that she knows that he's in love with me whether were together or not & she hates it).
I'm so confused, that confusion has replaced the feeling of hurt in my heart...I mean, either you love me or you don't. You wanna fuck with me, or you don't, either your done fucking with me altogether, or you're not....and if you are, go away & stop stressing my heart!! Geezz!
I've had two guys come up and try to establish something with me recently and I can't even focus...nor do I want them to come into the craziness of my life and my drama..also, I'm just not interested. It sucks.
It's hard for me to even talk to people about it because I don't feel like hearing the same ol' "you dont deserve it" "you're too great for this" "he ain't shit" because at the end of the day... I love that jerk....more than I've loved any other jerk that has come & go...and downing him isn't going to help me get over anything.
I'm just praying I make it through this mess with my sanity...and that he finds happiness, success, & whatever else he's looking for.

Mother Teresa was spittin truth back in the day!

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may just never be enough; Give the world the best you have anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway. -- Mother Teresa

One thing about me & my crazy emotional personality is that I have skin like mush (although I act like I'm tough)....& Even though I can never stay mad, I must admit that I allow things and peoples comments to get to me.... People are not fair, they do not care about you, they are selfish no matter how nice & respectful you are to them...mom told me that a looonnngg time ago but in these past 2 yrs, I'm seeing it all.

If you find my Will Power....will you please return it??

Ive been on an active search for my will power for the past 4 months....I don't know what has happened. Back in August, I made a decision that I was going to lose weight and I have to admit, that was one of the easiest things I've ever done...70 pounds gone so quickly. Then the holidays came and I fell off and gained 25 pounds back...
Since Jan 2010 it seems like every day Ive been telling myself, "Were gonna do this again"..."Its gonna be just as easy as it was before!"....and I just cant seem to get a grip on things. Its like my will power has just quit on me!!!
Anyway, today I'm going to try something a little different. I'm throwing out all the bad stuff and I'm forcing myself back on this diet! When I lose a significant amount of weight again...then I will see a nutritionist and learn how to eat to maintain. I have a cruise that's calling my name in about 5-6 months and I need to be a "baddd chick" by then...no rolls included! So I'm going to need some prayer on this one! lol

Growing Pains

So, he called today...
I must admit that I was losing my mind trying to act like I wasn't miserable; given, its only been 4 days since we completely ended things, I feel like its been weeks. Were so use to talking all day, everyday... that this is a difficult adjustment.
Anyway...
he called and attempted to give me a better understanding of whats happening right now and although I still don't get his motives I felt much better after speaking to him. I feel like he is completely "lost" in life and feeling hopeless and it has nothing to do with me. I thought it might be another female or some other kind of trifling situation but I hear the pain and the love in his voice everytime I talk to him. I have decided that the best thing I can do for him is give him the necessary space he needs to get it together while letting him know that I will love and support him through whatever...like I reminded him on the phone...when I said I love you unconditionally...I meant it. I'm there through ups and downs, whether we are together or not.
Everything happens for a reason....while he chooses to work on his life...I will focus on mines. I need to learn how to "be alone" again. Enjoy my own company, learn this new city I live in! Get out, live, and enjoy life... it wont be easy and I'm not sure if I'm fully ready for change but its coming no matter what so I guess I don't have a choice. I'll surely miss "us" though...

The Longest Thursday Ever....

So....this is the worst day ever...
I'm currently sitting at work...probably shouldn't be blogging but since I didn't take a mental health day and I feel like pure crap, I need to type.
We just had "3 code blues" in about 30 minutes...wtf?!?! I need a couple days off because having nights like this after being here all week sucks; thats not the worst part of my day though.
Things were just made official by my ex that we are over....
breakups suck!
He was the 1st guy I gave everything I had...I was faithful, supportive, and loving in that relationship and I cant help but feel he left me hanging. 3 yrs...down the drain. I feel alone.
My boyfriend/ best friend is gone and I have to figure out how to start over....how to have a life without him. I have to find "me" again...

Blogging....

So this is my first post....my first time blogging...ever.
I've never been much of a writer so I'm not sure how long I will keep up with this site but recently I've had a lot on my mind and my coworker suggested that I create a blog to release some thoughts and just "get it out"!
Well see how it goes...